Sunday, April 21, 2013

Top 10: Rules For Speaking in Sunday Morning Service.

 IT IS THAT TIME A YEAR AGAIN, SUMMER!  THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN EVERYONE IS AWAY ON VACATION AND THE CHURCH FINALLY ALLOWS THE YOUTH PASTOR TO TAKE A SHOT AT THE BIG STAGE? THIS IS YOUR BIG MOMENT, THE ONE YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR, SO DON'T MESS IT UP...

HERE ARE SOME HELPFUL RULES....



 
10. Cover Your Tatoos... Especially that sweet neck ink of your college girl friend

9. Wear Shoes...I know barefoot is more comfortable, but "big people" where shoes when in front of other "big people" (that is what I have heard?)

8.  Don't Say "Sucks"... yes this "sucks", but "suck it up" and don't be a "sucker" or you will end up sucking on a milk shake on at your new job flipping hamburgers and that really will SUCK!!

7.  Stay Behind the Pulpit/Podium... old people get scared easily and you running the stage or walking the aisles might give someone a heart attack.  Also you moving around so much, might keep people awake and some of the members need all the beauty sleep they can get?

6.  Don't Yell...I know the Sr. Pastor does, but he can get away with it.  You will just come off angry, loud, and aggressive, that needs to be saved for the next youth committee meeting?

5. Try Not to Preach on Sex... refer to rule #7, concerning heart attacks.

4.  Wear a Tie...You just bought that super awesome deep v v-neck just for the occasion, but this is adult worship and you are a 30-something year old adult not a 7th grade American Apparel model?

3.  Preach Out of the Bible... Yes, that new "Street Paraphrase" is way cool and hip, but the senior saints just might not get the version of Ps. 23 with "you sit me on a comfy couch and put on my mellow jams. You order me up enough pizza for my crew.."

2.  Do Not Refer to your Spouse as Hot... Just experiencing talking here, just DON'T DO IT, not in front of the adults in any context.

1. Refrain from Riding Anything Onto the Stage... Pogo sticks, motorcycles, skateboards, any live animals, or having your adoring students carry you in on their shoulders because the other pastors finally gave in and to let you speak...